Joy

I thought I was going to write and share my cooking experiences and/or recipes. Well, I didn't cook much this week so I'm just going to share my week.

The book club I belong to had a meeting on Thursday night. I almost skipped it because in all honesty I hadn't read the book. But a friend (another member of the group) convinced me to go and even purchased the book so I could read some of it before the meeting. The book? My Life in France, by Julia Child. The recent movie Julie and Julia was based on this book as well as the blog that Julie Powell began as a result of a decision she made to cook every recipe in Julia's Mastering the Art of French Cooking.

The hostess of our meeting opted to have it at a wonderful french restaurant, where we leisurely discussed the book and of course many other topics, while we dined. We toasted to many things, one being joy. What a simple concept -- joy. It can be anything from a burst of happiness that makes you laugh out loud to a tiny flicker of something that brings a smile to your face. One thing about our group is that we come together simply to share ourselves. Each meeting we learn more and more about each other. This time, I learned something from Julia Child -- never apologize and never make excuses. I tend to apologize too much -- I'm one of those who says sorry to a wall when I bump into it. I'm working on only apologizing when it's necessary. As to never making excuses -- we shouldn't have to make excuses for truth.

Our dinner was also very relaxed. We took our time and savored the food, the wine and the conversation. I felt wonderful when I went home. Another lesson to practice -- take your time and enjoy yourself.

Today I went to a bridal shower of a friend of my daughter. I realized at this shower, that I'm lucky. Even though my life's circumstances have changed, I am a lucky person. I have my three great kids, my health, people who care about me and people I care about. I've been lucky to plan and attend my daughter's wedding just two short years ago. My daughter's friend's mother was a friend of mine. We had a connection through our children. We worked together on school projects, and were co-leaders for our daughters' girl scout troop for many years. She was ill with cancer and we lost touch. But, when Katie got engaged, she came bridal gown shopping with us along with her daughter (who was in the wedding). I am so glad she did. She realized then, I now see, that she was not going to be around to plan her own daughter's wedding. What joy we shared as we saw Katie trying on different dresses, looking more and more beautiful in each one. She passed almost a year and a half ago and she was missed today.

It was a beautiful shower and my thoughtful daughter Katie, made sure there were little touches to remind us of the special, kind person Phyllis was. A chair that Phyllis would always use for April's birthday was there for her to sit in while she opened her abundance of gifts. Small petit four style cupcakes for dessert (handmade by my daughter, Sarah), chocolate covered strawberries, homemade chocolates, and a sit down luncheon were all in Phyllis' elegant style. She was there in spirit.

Joy comes in different shapes and sizes, in happiness and sadness. It can be magical and mystical. I will appreciate the many joys in my life and keep joy in my heart.

Julia said no excuses and don't apologize. I'm working on that.

I say see the joy in your life and embrace it. I'm working on this too.

First day, October 18, 2009

You already know something about me; I'm not a size four, never have been a size four and never will be a size four. Those were words that were thrown at me at a difficult crossroads of my life. That story is for another time.

Today, I'll just explain a little about what this blog will be about. I love to cook. I didn't know how to cook when I got married, but quickly learned some very interesting recipes while I was living in Missouri. Money was tight, so a popular meal was mac and cheese from a box (hey, 5 boxes for a dollar is a good deal). I worked with some women who were thrilled to introduce me to the joys of cooking and I learned eagerly and quickly.

Through this blog, I hope to share some meals I make and write about things happening in my life or in my head (kind of using this as a diary). I hope through cooking and writing to discover some things about myself, that will help me find my chi, my life energy and balance.

I have lots of cookbooks, and I can spend a few hours of an afternoon going through my many cookbooks, collected through the years looking for the perfect dish, the perfect dessert or appetizer to prepare. I have cookbooks from different places around the world that I have visited. I have cookbooks given to me by my aunt when I first got married way back in 1975 that were dog-eared, torn, marked up with notes of her own, even dotted with spills from her own cooking experiences. Recently I was given my mom's own book of recipes and I found some recipes I remember her making when I was a child.

There have been many changes in my life the past few years, but the one constant has been cooking. It's a passion I've turned to through the years to make myself happy and bring smiles to the faces of others when we share the meal. Some of the major changes have been a divorce (less than a year ago), my mom being diagnosed with alzheimers the same day my dad suffered a fatal stroke. I have three terrific children, all over the age of 25, who are supportive, loving and wonderful! I adore them.

So, this weekend I went to the country with a good girl friend of mine to have a girls' weekend. We made margaritas and watched chick flicks dealing with cheating men, empowered women. You see, my ex husband got remarried today. It's been a tough few years, filled with false hope which my ex filled me with (you know, maybe we can make the marriage work, etc), stress, sadness. I wanted the divorce and am happy to be through with him - moving forward moving on. But today has been filled with many different emotions -- again, I feel sad, mad, angry, upset, happy to be free.

After the margaritas, I made paninis for dinner. I decided to have an early Thanksgiving to help me appreciate all the goodness I have around me and within me. Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and gravy all on french bread. I couldn't find rosemary focaccia, which would have been my first choice, but it worked out fine. It was delicious! Paninis are pretty straightforward, so I don't have to write the recipe down. But it was great.

Tonight, I went to dinner with three great friends. We laughed, toasted with wine and talked and talked. I didn't really want to be alone and they didn't leave me alone.

It's after 11 pm est, and I have survived. Good friends helped me through a difficult weekend.

I'm alone now and it's okay. I feel good, not great, but good enough.