Next to Normal

Exactly one week ago today, I went to see a play with the Broadway Babes, the first one in quite a few months. It was a musical, which is what we usually see – but it was different.

The play? Next to Normal. It was amazing, incredible, touching and funny. I was affected by this play more than I have been by any other in a very long time. I laughed, I cried, and it made me think. During intermission, I stood on a very long line for the ladies room with my friend, Pat, and tears filled my eyes and overflowed onto my face. No reason, other than being touched by the actions on stage.

The play is about a family dealing with mental illness and avoidance of their problems individually and together. Dysfunctional would be a mild description of the family life – filled with an abundance of overmedicating (the wife/ mother has been on meds for almost 18 years), electric shock treatments to help her forget a trauma she can never and shouldn’t be forced to forget. The husband attempts to hold everyone together, but it is too much for him; the daughter throws herself into school with a vengeance and then meets and develops a relationship with a fellow student that becomes toxic in itself. No one in that family can allow themselves to be happy. Spoiler alert: it ends somewhat happily via a strange turn of events -- the woman leaves her husband, still sees her daughter, is going for help and therapy and the family (sans mom) is healing in its own way. The husband, realizing he has avoided facing his demons, seeks therapy.

What was an incredibly touching moment for me was when this troubled woman is looking at a box filled with memories. She looks at them lovingly, remembering and crying. We all have a box of memories that we take out periodically to remember happier times.

In her case, she had never grieved the loss of her infant child and the box of reminders was almost torturous. I, too have a box of reminders filled with cards, flowers from my wedding bouquet (yes over 30 years later), a music box from a trip my soon to be husband took to Austria. Really, I have more than one box of this stuff. The character had to go through the items and grieve the loss. I have to go through these items and keep the memories in my heart rather than cluttering up my home. I had thought I would store these things as reminders to my kids someday that their parents had married for love once upon a time and had been very much in love.

She says at one point to her daughter that she knows her daughter wanted her family to be normal. The daughter replied she would have hoped for next to normal. I’m looking for that too.

So here’s a recipe I was given long ago, back in 1975 – when I lived in Columbia, Missouri and worked in the Animal Husbandry Department of the University of Missouri. The women I worked with were excited that I was newly married and didn’t know how to cook. We would have cooking Fridays when they would bring in recipes and we would prepare lunch. Then I would make that recipe for my husband the following week.

Crazy Cake

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups sifted flour

3 tablespoons cocoa

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 cup sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

5 tablespoons cooking oil

1 tablespoon vinegar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup cold water

Grease a 9" square pan.

Mix flour with the cocoa, baking soda, sugar and salt. Spoon dry ingredients into the greased pan.

Make 3 holes in the mixture, and pour oil in one, vinegar in the next and vanilla in the last.

Pour cold water over all, and stir until nearly smooth and no flour shows.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

It will resemble a mud pie, but it will turn out fine!

Frosting is optional, ice cream on it is great!

Dating!

Okay, dear readers, this past year I've done some dating. The man I was seeing is 7 years younger than me (does that make me a cougar??) Oh my goodness! We saw each other on and off since last April when I went to a wedding with him. That was our first date. We had a good time , talking and getting to know each other and he loves to dance. So since April into the summer we were texting and seeing each other and then it stopped. Circumstances (summer vacations) made it tough to get together and by September I didn't hear from him. Then suddenly in October I had a barrage of texts -- and then I realized he needed a date for his brother's wedding. I had plans for that weekend so I couldn't go.

We then started seeing each other again and talking more. He did have a date for that October wedding, someone he had taken out a few times when not seeing me he explained a bit apologetically one evening while watching the Yankees in the World Series at a local bar. Now I've been to quite a few weddings in the past few years by myself and have had a pretty good time. But I do know that I've been to dinner by myself, gone to the movies on my own and am perfectly content being by myself.

He was surprised when I said that as much as I enjoy going out with him, I'm perfectly comfortable and happy when I'm home by myself in my sweats, curled up on the couch, reading, watching tv, listening to music, sipping a glass of wine. I think as I've gotten older and with changing circumstances, I've become much more comfortable with myself. I'm okay and happy being on my own.

He couldn't understand this - he's looking for someone to move in with him, someone to be waiting when he comes home. Ready with dinner, ready to do what he'd like. He didn't get that I'm looking forward to finding a place that's mine, that I've bought for myself, furnished for myself. He mentioned if I needed a place to live, I could move in with him. And my dog and kids (whomever is around) too. I thought to myself that it was a nice offer. But it's not what I want right now.

Well you know what's coming -- I'm not seeing him anymore. And its okay. Yes, he seemed to like me and wanted to be with me. But he never called me on the phone to just talk. I mean, really, if a guy doesn't call -- he's just not that into you! Just like the movie of the same name -- it really is true.

This was another experience, another journey in my life. And it was definitely worth it! I learned alot more about dating and about myself.

And being comfortable with oneself -- how great that is! It's something we should all strive for...In keeping with the theme, I'm making one of my favorite comfort foods -- macaroni and cheese.

This recipe comes from an old cookbook that came with the first blender I ever had! I've changed a few things, but the idea remains the same. It says to mix everything in a blender but I mix it in a saucepan. So here's my version:

Sharon's Macaroni and Cheese

1 pound uncooked elbow macaroni

1 cup cheddar cheese (cubed or grated), 1 cup gruyere cheese (grated, 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

1 1/2 cups milk

2 tbsp. flour

1/2 small onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, chopped finely

1/4 tsp black pepper

1/2 tsp salt

Italian bread crumbs (you can add parmesan cheese to them if you'd like for extra flavor)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter a 2-quart casserole dish.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add macaroni and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente, drain well and pour into prepared casserole dish.

Heat milk in saucepan. When hot, mix flour in to thicken. Add cheese, onion and garlic, pepper and salt. Stir until cheese has melted. Here's where you can taste the cheese mixture and see if it is seasoned well enough for you. If not, season to taste.

Mix macaroni and cheese mixture well. Sprinkle top with bread crumbs and dot with butter.

Bake uncovered for 30 minutes or until cheese is bubbly and top is lightly browned.