Weight Loss

Every year I try to lose weight. I know I'm not the only one out there struggling with extra poundage from year to year. I often joke that I'm still carrying baby weight (my 'baby' is 26). I've been successful many times, but do I keep the weight off? Sure, for short periods of time. It stays off, I buy new clothes, I feel good, I feel sexy and then the weight is back! I know some people say it 'creeps back' but to me, one day I fit in all those great clothes and then - boom! the next day, the clothes are too tight. Not just snug, I mean tight. Like if I tried to wear them my breathing would be cut off. It's weird, I feel and look different. Heavier, more tired, even older!

I have tried many different diets and diet plans. I've done weight watchers (a few times), jenny craig, eleanore's way, slim fast, over the counter pills, and most recently, isogenix. Now most of those diets included food - real and dehydrated or frozen meals. But isogenix was the most ingenious. It was a combination of shakes, real food and snacks. And then one day a week - a cleansing. Well, I lost a good amount of weight rather quickly. But it came back on just as quickly.

So now, once again, I'm unhappy with myself. I'm a good person, I try to lead a good life, but I just don't feel attractive or sexy. I'm maintaining my weight by watching what I'm eating. It's really rather funny - I'm eating healthy, watching my carb intake, exercising (a bit) and I'm maintaining my high weight. So I will find another way to lose. I looked into the lap band - but I'm too thin!!! Isn't that a joke! Weight wise I'm too thin! Plus, it's surgery!!! There's got to be a better way.

I thought a salad would be appropriate for weight watching. Just serve the dressing on the side.

Arugala Salad

Arugula
Romaine
Blue Cheese crumbs
walnuts
3 tbsp. balsamic vinegar
1/2 cup olive oil
salt and pepper to taste


In bowl, mix lettuces, walnuts and blue cheese.

In small bowl, whisk together balsamic and olive oil. Dress salad with dressing and season with salt and pepper.

Good News/Bad News

So which do you want to hear first? The good news or the bad news? Me? I would prefer to hear the bad news first, that way I can be upset and then hear the good news, which will make me feel better.

The bad news then. My therapist of five years passed away this week. Unexpectedly at 53 years old. My feelings? Shock! Overwhelming sadness. Guilt. He wasn't sick -- hence the shock. Sadness for his wife and son who only a short 4 years ago lost a daughter and sister in a fatal car crash that the driver of the car was his son. Guilt -- only a few weeks ago I told him that I thought I had progressed so much, I was feeling good, positive, moving forward with strength and confidence -- I wanted to take a break from therapy for a while. He clapped and said he thought it was a good idea. Our relationship was of course professional - that of therapist/confidante and client/confessor. Many times my sessions became conversations, in fact, so many felt that way to me. Guess that was his way to help me find my way. I would talk, he would talk, and I would have that lightbulb go off (maybe not right then but at some point). He was effective and I was an eager student. I realized much about myself and have definitely grown in confidence and was ready and willing to leave the nest. Which is what I told him. Our last conversation -- we said see you soon and we hugged. My prayers go out to his family and my prayers and thanks go to him. He and Jenna are now together again.

Good news? Yes, it's time for some good news. Two of my kids -- JB and Sarah, both got into masters' programs -- Sarah at Pratt Institute for Art Education and also the New School for an Art Therapy Certification program, and JB into Fordham for a masters in counseling. And my middle child, Katie, is moving east with her husband from Seattle, so they will be closer.

Interesting -- all three of my children have received or are pursuing degrees in fields of helping people. I am so proud of them all!

And I'm thankful I'm healthy and here to enjoy such wonderful news.

This is a recipe I've made when I'm very happy and want to celebrate.

Just saying 'fettucine' is a happy sounding word, isn't it?

Fettucine with Sun Dried Tomatoes

1 pound fettucine
1 8.5 oz. jar sun dried tomatoes packed in oil (it's easier if you buy them already julienned, but I did it myself)
2 to 4 cloves garlic, chopped (or pressed)
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 cup coarsely chopped fresh basil
1/4 cup sliced black olives
8 oz. grated parmesan cheese

Recipe

Cook pasta.
While pasta is cooking, drain olive oil from sun dried tomatoes into a pan.
Saute garlic and onion in olive oil until fragrant.
Lightly toss basil, tomatoes, olives and pasta with olive oil mixture.
Add salt and pepper to taste.
Sprinkle and toss wtih parmesan cheese.

I used about 1/2 the cheese and omitted the olives.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Two weekends ago was a celebration of moms, and I was lucky enough to also be celebrating my birthday! An interesting thing happened the day before my big day – I received flowers.

I love flowers – and I love having flowers around the house. It doesn’t happen all that often anymore so these were definitely a treat for me. My initial reaction was surprise and excitement, wondering who sent them to me. I thought maybe my son, who sends me flowers every once in a while or my daughter and son-in-law out in Seattle, not being around to celebrate the weekend with me.

I opened the box of flowers and discovered 24 assorted roses, still budding. I took a vase out of a cabinet, prepared the water with the special flower food (ever wonder what’s in that? ), cut an inch off each rose stem, and arranged them. Then I found the card.

They were a gift from my ex-husband for mother’s day. His note was sweet, by the way, extolling my virtues as a mother.

A very nice gesture you say? Since I’m the mother of his children? Sure, that does sound very nice. We had a relatively amicable divorce and an amicable relationship since the divorce. But when I asked divorced men if they would send flowers to their ex-wives (especially if they themselves were remarried) the response was a resounding no. I asked men who are good friends with their exes, men who are in the throes of difficult times with their exes. How many did I poll, you ask? Ten. Ten divorced men. They all thought it was odd.

The next day (my birthday) I received an e-card from him – again reminiscing, this time about our past birthday celebrations together.

I received phone calls and text messages from ex-boyfriends too. Actually the only two ex-boyfriends I’ve had since my ex, wishing me a happy birthday.

That got me to wondering something else…do guys want to stay friends with their exes? And is it possible to be friends?

Well, in my mind friends are people you speak to more than a few times a year, maybe get together for dinner or lunch periodically to share your lives. When something good happens, you call to share with your friend the good news. You call or see your friends when you’re sad or unhappy and of course vice versa. You call because you just want to hear that person’s voice. Those are your true friends.

So yes although I was happy to receive the flowers, the emails, the calls, they made me a little sad and melancholy. These men who were a part of my lives, no longer really are.

One was a part for a very short time, and I have no desire to start anything with him nor speak with him. Another was a part of my life more as an acquaintance way back when we were teens, and then we met again a few years ago and began a relationship that lasted for a while (he sent me beautiful flowers by the way). The last of course was my ex, who I will spend time with periodically since we share three children and history.

But that second one is the one I regret. I didn’t let him into my life as I should have, I was afraid to let him get too close to me because of my fears of inadequacy. I felt responsible for the failure of my marriage, my self-confidence was low. But, I enjoyed the time we had together and hoped for more. That was not to be. He felt like we were better friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. And I didn’t let him know my feelings until too late.

I had a wonderful birthday with two of my children and my mom. I had a terrific mother’s day with them as well. I wished for the gift of time with them, and that is what I had. And I’ve learned that I need to let my feelings out, be felt by people I care about.

But at the age of 58, I am not about to confuse acquaintances who are peripheral friends with those who I consider important and intimate people in my life. Times a-wasting and I don’t want to waste it anymore.

By the way, I loved the flowers, and I sent a thank you. They were appreciated.

I know friendship works both ways, and perhaps I haven’t pursued some people as much as I should have. But if someone wants to be my friend, then we need to reach out to each other more often than once or twice or even three times a year. As to guys really being friends with women? Harry, in When Harry Met Sally, said that men can't be friends with women -- they only want to sleep with them. What do you think? Is that true? I wonder...

This recipe is one my daughter recently made and it was delicious -- Thai Chicken Pizza.

• 1 pizza dough, any brand
• 1/2 cup duck sauce or plum sauce
• 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
• 1 package (2 cups) shredded provolone or Monterey Jack
• 1/2 red bell pepper, thinly sliced
• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 1 rounded tablespoonful peanut butter (to change it up we used Yoshida's gourmet sauce instead)
• 2 teaspoons hot sauce
• 2 teaspoons Montreal Steak Seasoning
• 4 chicken breast cutlets, 1/2 pound
• 2 tablespoons honey
• 2 tablespoons rice wine vinegar or cider vinegar
• 1/4 seedless cucumber, peeled and cut into matchsticks
• 4 scallions, chopped
• 1 cup bean spouts, a couple of handfuls
• Palm full cilantro leaves, chopped
• 
  

Directions

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

Form pizza crust on pizza pan or cookie sheet. Top with duck or plum sauce - spread it around like you would pizza sauce. Sprinkle the pizza with some crushed red pepper flakes then top with cheese and peppers. Bake until golden and bubbly, 15 to 17 minutes.

Preheat a grill pan over medium-high heat. Combine vegetable oil, soy sauce and peanut butter with hot sauce and grill seasoning. Use the microwave to loosen up peanut butter if it is too cold to blend into sauce, 10 seconds ought to do it. Add chicken and coat evenly with mixture. Let stand 10 minutes then grill chicken cutlets 2 to 3 minutes on each side, until firm. Slice chicken into very thin strips.

While chicken cooks, mix honey and vinegar and add the cucumber. Turn to coat evenly.

Top the hot, cooked pizza with chicken, scallions, sprouts and cilantro. Drain cucumbers and scatter over the pizza. Cut into 8 wedges and serve.

This is a Rachael Ray recipe with variations...oh, we prefer Monterey Jack to provolone cheese. And it really only took 30 minutes!

Next to Normal

Exactly one week ago today, I went to see a play with the Broadway Babes, the first one in quite a few months. It was a musical, which is what we usually see – but it was different.

The play? Next to Normal. It was amazing, incredible, touching and funny. I was affected by this play more than I have been by any other in a very long time. I laughed, I cried, and it made me think. During intermission, I stood on a very long line for the ladies room with my friend, Pat, and tears filled my eyes and overflowed onto my face. No reason, other than being touched by the actions on stage.

The play is about a family dealing with mental illness and avoidance of their problems individually and together. Dysfunctional would be a mild description of the family life – filled with an abundance of overmedicating (the wife/ mother has been on meds for almost 18 years), electric shock treatments to help her forget a trauma she can never and shouldn’t be forced to forget. The husband attempts to hold everyone together, but it is too much for him; the daughter throws herself into school with a vengeance and then meets and develops a relationship with a fellow student that becomes toxic in itself. No one in that family can allow themselves to be happy. Spoiler alert: it ends somewhat happily via a strange turn of events -- the woman leaves her husband, still sees her daughter, is going for help and therapy and the family (sans mom) is healing in its own way. The husband, realizing he has avoided facing his demons, seeks therapy.

What was an incredibly touching moment for me was when this troubled woman is looking at a box filled with memories. She looks at them lovingly, remembering and crying. We all have a box of memories that we take out periodically to remember happier times.

In her case, she had never grieved the loss of her infant child and the box of reminders was almost torturous. I, too have a box of reminders filled with cards, flowers from my wedding bouquet (yes over 30 years later), a music box from a trip my soon to be husband took to Austria. Really, I have more than one box of this stuff. The character had to go through the items and grieve the loss. I have to go through these items and keep the memories in my heart rather than cluttering up my home. I had thought I would store these things as reminders to my kids someday that their parents had married for love once upon a time and had been very much in love.

She says at one point to her daughter that she knows her daughter wanted her family to be normal. The daughter replied she would have hoped for next to normal. I’m looking for that too.

So here’s a recipe I was given long ago, back in 1975 – when I lived in Columbia, Missouri and worked in the Animal Husbandry Department of the University of Missouri. The women I worked with were excited that I was newly married and didn’t know how to cook. We would have cooking Fridays when they would bring in recipes and we would prepare lunch. Then I would make that recipe for my husband the following week.

Crazy Cake

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups sifted flour

3 tablespoons cocoa

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 cup sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

5 tablespoons cooking oil

1 tablespoon vinegar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup cold water

Grease a 9" square pan.

Mix flour with the cocoa, baking soda, sugar and salt. Spoon dry ingredients into the greased pan.

Make 3 holes in the mixture, and pour oil in one, vinegar in the next and vanilla in the last.

Pour cold water over all, and stir until nearly smooth and no flour shows.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

It will resemble a mud pie, but it will turn out fine!

Frosting is optional, ice cream on it is great!

Dating!

Okay, dear readers, this past year I've done some dating. The man I was seeing is 7 years younger than me (does that make me a cougar??) Oh my goodness! We saw each other on and off since last April when I went to a wedding with him. That was our first date. We had a good time , talking and getting to know each other and he loves to dance. So since April into the summer we were texting and seeing each other and then it stopped. Circumstances (summer vacations) made it tough to get together and by September I didn't hear from him. Then suddenly in October I had a barrage of texts -- and then I realized he needed a date for his brother's wedding. I had plans for that weekend so I couldn't go.

We then started seeing each other again and talking more. He did have a date for that October wedding, someone he had taken out a few times when not seeing me he explained a bit apologetically one evening while watching the Yankees in the World Series at a local bar. Now I've been to quite a few weddings in the past few years by myself and have had a pretty good time. But I do know that I've been to dinner by myself, gone to the movies on my own and am perfectly content being by myself.

He was surprised when I said that as much as I enjoy going out with him, I'm perfectly comfortable and happy when I'm home by myself in my sweats, curled up on the couch, reading, watching tv, listening to music, sipping a glass of wine. I think as I've gotten older and with changing circumstances, I've become much more comfortable with myself. I'm okay and happy being on my own.

He couldn't understand this - he's looking for someone to move in with him, someone to be waiting when he comes home. Ready with dinner, ready to do what he'd like. He didn't get that I'm looking forward to finding a place that's mine, that I've bought for myself, furnished for myself. He mentioned if I needed a place to live, I could move in with him. And my dog and kids (whomever is around) too. I thought to myself that it was a nice offer. But it's not what I want right now.

Well you know what's coming -- I'm not seeing him anymore. And its okay. Yes, he seemed to like me and wanted to be with me. But he never called me on the phone to just talk. I mean, really, if a guy doesn't call -- he's just not that into you! Just like the movie of the same name -- it really is true.

This was another experience, another journey in my life. And it was definitely worth it! I learned alot more about dating and about myself.

And being comfortable with oneself -- how great that is! It's something we should all strive for...In keeping with the theme, I'm making one of my favorite comfort foods -- macaroni and cheese.

This recipe comes from an old cookbook that came with the first blender I ever had! I've changed a few things, but the idea remains the same. It says to mix everything in a blender but I mix it in a saucepan. So here's my version:

Sharon's Macaroni and Cheese

1 pound uncooked elbow macaroni

1 cup cheddar cheese (cubed or grated), 1 cup gruyere cheese (grated, 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

1 1/2 cups milk

2 tbsp. flour

1/2 small onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, chopped finely

1/4 tsp black pepper

1/2 tsp salt

Italian bread crumbs (you can add parmesan cheese to them if you'd like for extra flavor)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter a 2-quart casserole dish.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add macaroni and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente, drain well and pour into prepared casserole dish.

Heat milk in saucepan. When hot, mix flour in to thicken. Add cheese, onion and garlic, pepper and salt. Stir until cheese has melted. Here's where you can taste the cheese mixture and see if it is seasoned well enough for you. If not, season to taste.

Mix macaroni and cheese mixture well. Sprinkle top with bread crumbs and dot with butter.

Bake uncovered for 30 minutes or until cheese is bubbly and top is lightly browned.

Little Christmas

January 6 is an important day in the Christian calendar and is known by many different names around the world -- the day of the kings, little Christmas and of course the Epiphany.

In my world January 6 is the anniversary of my divorce. And this year marks the first anniversary. I was wondering if I should celebrate the way I did last year (with eight girlfriends at an Irish pub) drinking, eating, laughing and a few interesting gifts.

The definition of an epiphany is: a sudden manifestation or perception or meaning of something, an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking; an illuminating discovery, realization or disclosure, a revealing scene or moment.

My divorce was all of the above. This year has been one of reflection and change. But most importantly, I have realized something: I am happy. I am an A+ and was treated like a C- for most of my marriage, which I accepted. But no more. To stay in a relationship that is just okay is not healthy. It's a disservice to oneself.

My epiphany is that I am worth so much more than I was led to believe. And so are we all!

Happy little Christmas everyone!

Traditions

This year I felt it. More than any other time in the past 5 years. I felt a bit lonely. It was holiday time and we were invited to my son's girlfriend's family for dinner. My mom and I along with my son went for a relaxed dinner around the table of a typical "old-school" Italian NJ family. You know -- when you sit around the table for hours after you've finished eating. They were talking about what they always do around the holidays. And I felt the void. First I felt a loss -- no man in my life sitting beside me, sharing stories. For some reason, this year felt different. And I thought to myself -- we have no traditions any more.

When I got home, I started thinking. And I remembered certain things we, as a family, would do during this fun time of year. We would go out to a Christmas tree farm and trek through hundreds of trees to find IT. One of us would find a tree and stand by it calling out to the rest of the clan to come by and see it. Of course someone else would have found another tree on the opposite side of the field and would be yelling to go over there. We would eventually choose "the perfect tree" and then cut it down and drive home. We would decorate it within the next few days and have popcorn, eggnog and dinner would be -- frozen pizza. We did an annual frozen pizza tasting contest for about five years. I was the only one who knew which pizza was which -- and everyone had to rate them. It was fun and funny too. By the way, the old Grand Union brand usually won.

Another annual tradition was and still is a 'friends' party -- 5 families for almost 30 years have been celebrating Christmas together. We alternate homes annually. Six years ago our family hosted the party at our new house. Last year would have been our turn again, but I asked if someone else could take the turn, as I just wasn't in the mood to do it with all the stuff that was going on in my life. But this year, I said to myself change is good -- do the party, Sharon. And so I planned a Sunday dinner party and loved every minute of it. There were about 30 people at my home and I enjoyed celebrating this tradition of friendship and family.

New Years Eve -- another celebration/tradition. The friends we get together with for Christmas celebrate new year's together -- by going to dinner and a Broadway show then back to someone's house to ring in the new year. This year, we went to see South Pacific at Lincoln Center (terrific production) and Carmine's for dinner. But I opted out of the raising of the champagne with the group at midnight. I invited my friend Kathy to join us for the evening (which she did) and she had to return home soon after midnight (she still has teenagers) and my mom was home alone, so I decided to go home to be with Kathy and my mom. Who knows how many more holidays mom will remember? You know, it felt good to be with her.

Traditions don't have to continue the same way every year to remain traditions -- I realize now that they are the celebrations of life, love, family and friends. Family dynamics have changed. Families are people who care about each other!

Happy New Year everyone!

My recipe this time is a drink I enjoyed this season: Pomegranate Martini

1.5 oz. citron vodka or regular vodka

1 oz. cointreau or triple sec

2 oz. pomegranate juice

Pour ingredients into your shaker, add 6 - 8 ice cubes. Shake it up. Strain into a chilled glass.

I tripled the recipe and made it in a pitcher.