Happy Birthday to Me!

Two weekends ago was a celebration of moms, and I was lucky enough to also be celebrating my birthday! An interesting thing happened the day before my big day – I received flowers.

I love flowers – and I love having flowers around the house. It doesn’t happen all that often anymore so these were definitely a treat for me. My initial reaction was surprise and excitement, wondering who sent them to me. I thought maybe my son, who sends me flowers every once in a while or my daughter and son-in-law out in Seattle, not being around to celebrate the weekend with me.

I opened the box of flowers and discovered 24 assorted roses, still budding. I took a vase out of a cabinet, prepared the water with the special flower food (ever wonder what’s in that? ), cut an inch off each rose stem, and arranged them. Then I found the card.

They were a gift from my ex-husband for mother’s day. His note was sweet, by the way, extolling my virtues as a mother.

A very nice gesture you say? Since I’m the mother of his children? Sure, that does sound very nice. We had a relatively amicable divorce and an amicable relationship since the divorce. But when I asked divorced men if they would send flowers to their ex-wives (especially if they themselves were remarried) the response was a resounding no. I asked men who are good friends with their exes, men who are in the throes of difficult times with their exes. How many did I poll, you ask? Ten. Ten divorced men. They all thought it was odd.

The next day (my birthday) I received an e-card from him – again reminiscing, this time about our past birthday celebrations together.

I received phone calls and text messages from ex-boyfriends too. Actually the only two ex-boyfriends I’ve had since my ex, wishing me a happy birthday.

That got me to wondering something else…do guys want to stay friends with their exes? And is it possible to be friends?

Well, in my mind friends are people you speak to more than a few times a year, maybe get together for dinner or lunch periodically to share your lives. When something good happens, you call to share with your friend the good news. You call or see your friends when you’re sad or unhappy and of course vice versa. You call because you just want to hear that person’s voice. Those are your true friends.

So yes although I was happy to receive the flowers, the emails, the calls, they made me a little sad and melancholy. These men who were a part of my lives, no longer really are.

One was a part for a very short time, and I have no desire to start anything with him nor speak with him. Another was a part of my life more as an acquaintance way back when we were teens, and then we met again a few years ago and began a relationship that lasted for a while (he sent me beautiful flowers by the way). The last of course was my ex, who I will spend time with periodically since we share three children and history.

But that second one is the one I regret. I didn’t let him into my life as I should have, I was afraid to let him get too close to me because of my fears of inadequacy. I felt responsible for the failure of my marriage, my self-confidence was low. But, I enjoyed the time we had together and hoped for more. That was not to be. He felt like we were better friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. And I didn’t let him know my feelings until too late.

I had a wonderful birthday with two of my children and my mom. I had a terrific mother’s day with them as well. I wished for the gift of time with them, and that is what I had. And I’ve learned that I need to let my feelings out, be felt by people I care about.

But at the age of 58, I am not about to confuse acquaintances who are peripheral friends with those who I consider important and intimate people in my life. Times a-wasting and I don’t want to waste it anymore.

By the way, I loved the flowers, and I sent a thank you. They were appreciated.

I know friendship works both ways, and perhaps I haven’t pursued some people as much as I should have. But if someone wants to be my friend, then we need to reach out to each other more often than once or twice or even three times a year. As to guys really being friends with women? Harry, in When Harry Met Sally, said that men can't be friends with women -- they only want to sleep with them. What do you think? Is that true? I wonder...

This recipe is one my daughter recently made and it was delicious -- Thai Chicken Pizza.

• 1 pizza dough, any brand
• 1/2 cup duck sauce or plum sauce
• 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
• 1 package (2 cups) shredded provolone or Monterey Jack
• 1/2 red bell pepper, thinly sliced
• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 1 rounded tablespoonful peanut butter (to change it up we used Yoshida's gourmet sauce instead)
• 2 teaspoons hot sauce
• 2 teaspoons Montreal Steak Seasoning
• 4 chicken breast cutlets, 1/2 pound
• 2 tablespoons honey
• 2 tablespoons rice wine vinegar or cider vinegar
• 1/4 seedless cucumber, peeled and cut into matchsticks
• 4 scallions, chopped
• 1 cup bean spouts, a couple of handfuls
• Palm full cilantro leaves, chopped
• 
  

Directions

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

Form pizza crust on pizza pan or cookie sheet. Top with duck or plum sauce - spread it around like you would pizza sauce. Sprinkle the pizza with some crushed red pepper flakes then top with cheese and peppers. Bake until golden and bubbly, 15 to 17 minutes.

Preheat a grill pan over medium-high heat. Combine vegetable oil, soy sauce and peanut butter with hot sauce and grill seasoning. Use the microwave to loosen up peanut butter if it is too cold to blend into sauce, 10 seconds ought to do it. Add chicken and coat evenly with mixture. Let stand 10 minutes then grill chicken cutlets 2 to 3 minutes on each side, until firm. Slice chicken into very thin strips.

While chicken cooks, mix honey and vinegar and add the cucumber. Turn to coat evenly.

Top the hot, cooked pizza with chicken, scallions, sprouts and cilantro. Drain cucumbers and scatter over the pizza. Cut into 8 wedges and serve.

This is a Rachael Ray recipe with variations...oh, we prefer Monterey Jack to provolone cheese. And it really only took 30 minutes!